Chance Bliss

Christopher Walken on Twitter

I’ve posted this before, but I just can’t get over how incredibly crazy this guy looks. His eyes are way, way too far apart. Also is he an albino? Why does he have flowers? Did he do something bad, like eat his girlfriend’s cat? So many questions…

Check him out now. Kinda Roy Orbison with blonde hair

8-bit hip hop medley through Super Nintendo system. Nice job. (via Coudal Partners)

If you have ever worked with a marketing department, rarely does the word “genius” come to mind. However, I would like to tip my hat to the people who came up with the concept of coffee cake. Coffee cake is one example where just simply changing the name of something creates a completely new avenue.

I think this is how the that historical conversation went:

Marketer 1: “Dude, we are not selling enough cake!”

Marketer 2: “I know. I saw the numbers. My bonus is going to suck this year” [big sigh]

Marketer 1: “I don’t get it. Cake is awesome. So why aren’t people eating more of it?”

Marketer 2: “Maybe because there’s only a limited number of birthday parties in a year?”

Marketer 1: “Yeah. It’s not like people are going to eat cake for breakfast everyday. [big laugh]”

Marketer 2: “Wait just a minute! Said that again?” [light bulb appears]

Marketer 1: “People aren’t going to eat cake for breakfast.” [slowly]

Marketer 2: “Who says people can’t eat cake for breakfast?” [defiant tone]

Marketing 1: “That just might be crazy enough to work!” [fist pounding on the desk]

Marketer 2: “But we can’t call it just “Cake”. It needs something else. Something more breakfasty.” [scans room for some clue]

Marketer 1: “What about just “Breakfast Cake?” [raises finger in air as if it was a great idea]

Marketer 2: “Too generic.” [rolls eyes in contempt of co-worker]

Marketer 1: “Morning Loaf?…” [meek tone]

Marketer 2: “I leave one of those every morning after my first cup of coffee.” [big laugh]

Marketer 1: “Coffee Cake?” [grasping at straws]

Marketer 2: “That’s it! People love coffee, but they need something to stuff their fat faces with in the morning. Why can’t that be cake?” [the 2 marketers hi-five and the scene fades to black]

And the rest is goes down in delicious pastry history…

I love videos like this one. A little humor, a little darkness and a lot of amazingly weird art. Brings me back to the early days of MTV when videos were visual storytelling experiments rather than just guys droppin benjamins on ho’s.

I was mentioning to someone the other day about a song that I couldn’t get out of my head. Every morning a few years back, I would wake up to the same lyrics. This went on for months. Now it’s happening again…!!!

“Hot Blooded” by Foreigner

Well, Im hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
Im hot blooded, Im hot blooded

You dont have to read my mind, to know what I have in mind
Honey you oughta know
Now you move so fine, let me lay it on the line
I wanna know what youre doin after the show

Now its up to you, we can make a secret rendezvous
Just me and you, Ill show you lovin like you never knew

Thats why, Im hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
Im hot blooded, hot blooded

If it feels alright, maybe you can stay all night
Shall I leave you my key?
But youve got to give me a sign, come on girl, some kind of sign
Tell me, are you hot mama? you sure look that way to me

Are you old enough? will you be ready when I call you bluff?
Is my timing right? did you save your love for me tonight?

Yeah Im hot blooded, check it and see
Feel the fever burning inside of me
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
Im hot blooded, Im hot blooded, Im hot

Now its up to you, can we make a secret rendezvous?
Oh, before we do, youll have to get away from you know who

Well, Im hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
Im hot blooded, Im hot blooded

Hot blooded, every night
Hot blooded, youre looking so tight
Hot blooded, now youre driving me wild
Hot blooded, Im so hot for you, child
Hot blooded, Im a little bit high
Hot blooded, youre a little bit shy
Hot blooded, youre making me sing
Hot blooded, for your sweet sweet thing

My son left me a voice mail demanding hot dogs and buns. He is completely insane. I wanted to capture this lovely moment in time and create an album cover with a little audio mixing. I know he will appreciate this when he’s about 15. Thanks to The Melvins for “lending” me the intro to their song “The Kicking Machine”.

Hot dogs annd buns (mp3)

“The better the singer’s voice the harder it is to believe what they are saying” – David Byrne

I found this quote in a random promotion video for the famous Talking Heads movie “Stop Making Sense”. I guess that why I have always like singers like Neil Young, Frank Black or Kurt Cobain. These guys would not be classified as great singers, but at least they are or were authentic.

Here’s a fun game to play. Take a band’s name and do a mash up with a book’s name. Coudal Partners calls it “Booking Bands”. Here are some of my favorites:

• Great White Expectations (Anything with 80s hair bands works for me)
• Horton Hears a Hoobastank (This just sounds nasty)
• A Tale of Two Bay City Rollers (“Turn off the soccer game and put on the Bay City Rollers” – So I married an Axe Murderer)
• Mein Camper Van Beethoven (Good punk band name)
• Corey Hart of Darkness (This works on so many levels…”I wear my sunglasses at night so I can…”)
• Slaughterhouse Jackson Five (Disturbing)

View the full list.

Here are some of my own.

• The Lord of the Sex Pistols
• The Handmaid’s Black Sabbath
• A Farewell to .38 Special
• The World According to Molly Hatch
• The Satanic Fat Boys
• A Room with a Foreigner
• Gloria Estefan and the Art of Miami Sound Maintenance
• Naked Hair Cut 100
• The Cult of Innocence
• The Call of Los Lobos

Some good ones from Matt…

• Into Thin Air Supply (Genius)
• The Velveteen Revolver (Soft, plush and deadly)
• Oliver Twisted Sister (We’re not gonna take it! Anymore!)
• Booker T-Factor Diet (Unexpected use of popular diet book. Good work.)

This dude is seriously metal!!!

SERIOUS guitarist looking for like-minded bandmates to make it big. (Poughkeepsie)
Reply to: comm-677453250@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-12, 11:13AM EDT

Look here, Hudson Valley. I’m tired of answering ads on these pages only to find poseurs, geeks and acoustic folk acts who want me to change my unique playing style to match their style. It’s time for a band that is as unique and forceful as I am, and I’m taking no prisoners.

This monumental effort will require the cooperation of a thunderous bass player with the mind and skills to keep this beast of a freight train on its tracks while a talented drummer will unleash an unrelenting hailstorm of destruction down upon his kingdom of percussion. The band will need to be as focused and driven as I am, willing to meet two, perhaps three times a week. When I host a practice session, I treat it like an Ultimate Fighter match, where nobody leaves until someone taps out. If you think you’ve got the endurance and fire to keep up, then bring your best, but be warned… I don’t let up, and I don’t want to share a stage with anyone who will.

As you can see from my picture, I wear chain mail to protect my body from the rigors of extreme playing. When you step up on stage with a true performer like myself, it’s like stepping into battle, only instead of swords and arrows, we fight with 32nd notes and pinch harmonics. So in a way, the chain mail is largely symbolic, but my legions of fans have come to appreciate and expect it. You may don similar armor, but only if it fits the theme (no hockey masks or umpire’s vests).

You are expected to have suitable gear. If you can see the top of your amplifier, don’t bother answering this ad. It is expected that you will have a commitment to tone that approaches mine. (would be impossible to exceed, to be quite honest) I have a pedalboard that is ten feet long and would not dare sacrifice a single effect for the sake of portability. My pedals are alphabetized so that I can easily find them in the middle of “battle”. Behringer up front, Zoom at the end. When you’ve been in the business as long as I have, you tend to come up with little time-saving tricks like that.

So that is my decree. I know that many of you will mock my demands and continue posting your offers and requests for lesser musicians. You may continue to carry on at your own leisurely pace, hoping for a shot at a coffee house or open mic night. I will not rest until we have our own stadium on the moon, with amplifiers pointed towards the sky’s infinite expanses, so that we may truly rock the galaxy. I wish for you to join me on this epic quest.

Yours in rock
-^v-Riley-v^-